I wanted to share a little about what it is like on the holidays as a sex worker, my personal experience as well as what I’ve observed over the 17 years I’ve been one. When I started out, I came to Canada undocumented (I’ve been a citizen now for several years) to be with the dominant man I met on the internet, way back in 2002. I started out my first Christmas travelling back to the USA to see my family, but then I got too scared. Things changed with the government and border crossing got more tight and I was afraid to be unable to get back into the country. I started sex work within months of arriving, since it was the only thing I could really do without papers. I soon found my footing in it though, as I’d always been a sexual person and I loved the attention, and the freedom and flexibility it gave me. And I’m including gifs and links to my Christmas clips of years past for fun and profit 😉
My partner however, had two teenage kids and a wife he was separated from, but he would always go to spend the holidays with them. That meant that I spent Christmas and most holidays alone. I would usually turn on my webcam and sometimes made a lot of money on those days, but it was always a lonely business.
None of my family knows what I do except my mom, who I’m really close with. So family occasions can be awkward for the sex worker, you either have to make up some lie, which I’m really uncomfortable with, or just dodge questions. Luckily my family isn’t very curious, but I know this is tough for many. Not all sex workers are privileged enough to be out to everyone. And if they do, they face stigmatization and estrangement and judgement very often.
Now that my husband is gone (he passed away suddenly this Spring, as I mentioned in my previous post) I’m finding myself making holiday clips and picking out presents for my lovers and my mom, remembering how my husband loved Christmas, despite being Jewish. It was one of the endearing things about him, his childlike love of holidays. He was all the family I had in Canada, and now he’s gone. It is for the best, as he was mentally ill (he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a severe form, I only found out too late) and an alcoholic.
I wanted to separate from him for years but he was blind and disabled and totally dependent on me. I used to cook grand English Christmas dinners for him, since he was also an exile, he was English and rarely would or could go visit his family. I won’t be making bread pudding or plum pudding anymore, thank God. But it feels weird still. I’m lucky enough that this year my mother can come visit me on Christmas Day, she works for the Post Office and this is their busiest time of year. I thought I would have to spend the day alone, which would be really depressing on my first Christmas as a widow.
I’ve been preparing lots of Christmas clips, and I wanted to give a shout out to all the sex workers struggling at Christmas. Think of us. We are society’s outcasts, we are looked down upon, stigmatized, persecuted against in business and in so many ways, even targeted for assault and murder. Often we are estranged from our families and this can be the slowest time of year as many of our clients are with their families and spending their disposable income on gifts.
No one does holidays like sex workers. You may have noticed how we are all over every holiday for festive clips and thematic cam shows, with costumes and sets galore, we are brimming with creativity and cheer. But that can conceal a sadder story at times. Don’t forget to think of us. We are humans with real stories, too.